Q & A 109 – From R – From somewhere Overseas

R, I think her behaviour is common to some teenagers due to the peer pressure. Growing up thesedays is not easy if the child does not have good foundation. There is no book or instruction how to raise children and in the past parents did not have to do much but majority of their children were good; respect the elderly and behave what I think with respect toward others but nowdays children are different. Again, this is based on my perspective (I am not a specialist on family and children). The knowledge I gained from having dealth with different children from different ethnicity while teaching them how to read Qur’an and lecturing them with Fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) some children were becoming rebelious because they were told, told and told without having them to understand why the reason behind it. When I was growing up in the 50 and early 60 when the elderly said something I was just listen and follow but when I was teaching children regardless of their age, when I said something, they would ask question why and other questions.

 

My suggestion for you is not to make argument, not angry to her, not lecture her what is right and wrong etc but try to listen to her first. Let her talk and we listen first. Make doa’ for her to get hidayah. Tell her that you all love her and tell her that what she is doing, you think, is not right/appropriate etc so tell her to think what best for herself and for her to also ask Allah swt to show her to the right path. Tell her that your responsibelity is to keep on remind her (but remember you should not be so forcefull – if you are to hard on her, she will run away from you).

 

R, I know it is not easy. Do lots of doa’ and do dzikr InsyaAllah Allah swt give her hidayah soon, aaamiiiiin.   

Wassalam